Mel’s Life

No, this isn’t a post about Maggie - though I could easily adapt it to that. I just finished reading the above title by Mark Haddon and I have to say that I’m not exactly sure what I think of it. “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time” is a story from the perspective of an Austistic boy. It opens with the murder of his neighbor’s poodle and as he plays detective, he finds more than he bargained for. I would say that it was a good story, but the story isn’t really the heart of the book. The book is really about how this child sees the world. I have never made it a secret that I am uncomfortable around people who would fit into the category of “Special Needs”. The reason I’m uncomfortable is because I don’t know how to act - I’m sure that anyone with experience would say “just act normal”. But that is easier said than done. I’m always afraid I’m going to offend someone, even the use of the phrase “special needs” worries me because I fear that A. This term is not considered acceptable with regards to Autism. B. This term is no longer considered politically correct. or C. This term was never politically correct and my use of it is an insult to many. I’m confident that if I had ever had any experience with someone with Autism or Down’s Syndrome or any other myriad of syndromes I would be more comfortable. But quite simply I don’t know if all people with Autism dislike being touched or just some of them, I don’t know what is expected of me if I can’t communicate with another person. I’m sure there are many who would think this ridiculous - “They’re just like everyone else, you treat them like you would anyone.” Not so - the fact is that everyone has some sort of “special need”. Some people are allergic to mustard, some people spend more time in the bathroom, some people are scared of elevators, and some people can’t interact with other people unless they’re stoned. These “special needs” are mostly minor and the majority can hold it together if they get some mustard on their burger and so on, and if they don’t - they’re the asshole. Here’s where I have the problem - If I encounter someone who is say, blind - and I don’t immediately realize that they are blind and do exactly what it necessary to ensure that they are not inconvienenced by thier inability to see then I’m the asshole. I’m uncomfortable with this. I know that many people with disabilities (am I still allowed to say that? probably not, but considering that what I’m refering to is a person afflicted with a condition that prevents them from experiencing life in a statistically average manner, I’m sticking with that term) get on quite well and do not expect to be treated any differently, but in reality, there are many who do not and there are many who simply can not.

I once read a letter in a Dear Abby type column from a woman who had a child with Down’s Syndrome and was often asked what it was like dealing with it and basically if it sucked. This woman said (and I’m paraphrasing) that it was like planning a trip to Egypt - buying guidebooks, learning some helpful phrases, saving the money, choosing which sites to see, and so on. After years of looking forward to your trip to Egypt you are finally on your way. After the plane takes off and there’s no turning back, you find out that this plane isn’t heading to Egypt, it’s going to Turkey. You’re dissapointed at first because you don’t know anything about Turkey, and because you were really looking forward to Egypt. But once you get to Turkey you realize that despite not being prepared, there are a lot of really fantastic things about Turkey and you’re glad you got to see it. I like this story - it makes me feel better about things, things like the fact that I’m 30 years old and if Clint and I and a few doctors with test tubes ever manage to turn one of my eggs into something I can name, I’ll be in the age group where Down’s Syndrome is a serious concern. I hope that it’s natural to have fears such as these - surely I’m not a monster because I worry about how to relate to someone that seems so different from myself. Isn’t this the basis of racism? Many have written about how we fear what we don’t understand. And while most accept this as fact, it doesn’t really solve the problem. I know how to handle a situation once I’ve dealt with it, until then, I’m only capable of an educated guess. Educated guesses are fine in a situation like deciding which headache medication to buy. Do they really work that well for important things like interacting with another human being? I don’t think so - I guess well meaning is better than nothing, and if we’re talking about someone who doesn’t like mustard, well meaning will probably be adequate. Well meaning doesn’t mean much though if the situation involves someone whose entire thought process shuts down if you touch them.

Most books I read provide me with something to think about, “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time” was certainly no exception. What is a bit exceptional is that I’m really not sure if I liked it or not. I liked certain aspects of it - it was fairly well written, it was unusual, and it was intriguing. It also left me feeling a little depressed and unfulfilled. I often feel like this after reading a good book because I’m going to miss the characters. I have these feelings for different reasons this time - I feel depressed over the unfairness of the situation the characters are left in and unfulfilled because I really don’t know how things will work out for them. It’s still a pretty good book and I would recommend it to anyone who is a serious reader.

Filed by Mel at 5:17 am under Review